no good dead goes unpunished...

XHonusWagnerX - 5-3-2008 at 07:04 PM

Maybe I'm just feeling bad for myself, but I feel like things have really sucked lately. Like no matter what I do or how nice I am or how much I try to help other people I always end up in some kind of shit.

Today I got up and took a shower. Then I drove about 25 minutes to Seekonk, MA to meet up with a kid that wanted to buy Slapshot merch, but not pay shipping. That didnt benefit me.... the money goes to the band to buy shit they need/want for the tour and the kid is happy cause he got a shirt and hoodie.

Then I drove to free comic day. Truth be told, there has not been anything Ive gotten on free comic day that I really read. I only went this time to get free comics to give to my friends kids that I hang out with all the time.

Then I went to a supermarket, bought a choclate cream pie, a small plant and 2 baloons and went to see my grandma for her birthday. I hung out there for awhile and she was psyched.

So then on my way from my grandmas to my friend in Providence to drop off the free comics, what happens?

A plastic lawn chair falls off a truck and I hit it going about 50 miles an hour. He doesnt stop or doesnt notice. I pull over and inspect the front of my FOUR MONTH OLD CAR to see that the entire front drives side and fog light are smashed.

So...
In addition to not getting back the money I lent 'a friend' and her not even having the decency to tell me shes not paying.

In addition to my mom being sick or bi-polar or nuts, wich ever you choose to lable her and when I do talk to her (wich I dont anymore), her telling me how stupid I am and that I think the world revolves around me and screaming at me then making up completly fake stories about things.

In addition to the fact that my dad only visits after having drank all afternoon and asking me the same questions over and over and over and over. And also occasionally siding with my mom even though he (and everyone else) knows how abusing my mom has been, especially since shes abusive to other people as well.

Yes.... so in addition to all of those things that have really had me down lately, now I have who knows how much damage to the front end of my 4 month old car.

whoopie fucking doo... someone shoot me.

defstarsteve - 5-3-2008 at 07:35 PM

dude it could be a lot worse...
not trying to be one of those happy hippie fucks, but you could be dead right now instead of you car being messed up...
atleast you got a car man...

after a week of being here we got hit and it totaled our, no big deal
we get the insurance and go buy our first brand new car off the lot, 08 honda element...

april 15th some kind soul, syas we don't need the car anymore and drives off with it from infront of our house...
we have everykind of insurance you possible can as well as low-jack and an alarm....
the cops leave my wife on hold for 3 hours before taking the report and turning on the low-jack...
so we have been without a car for the last 2 weeks....
do you know how fun that is?
with a 4 year old...
and sure we could get a rental,
that the insurance will reinburse us for (30.00 a day max for 30 days), once the settlement is done in 10-12 weeks...
oh but that settlement goes tothe finance company not to us...
and we can't go get a new car as it shows we still have a new car,
that I have to maintain making payment on...and keeping full coverage insurance on...
and who will sell anyone a new car just after buying one in November

I get to pay the insurance and car payment for someone who thinks they will look better driving out car then we do...

and oh my LA stories just get better...
this was nothing compared to the housing hell we have been thru,
but I'll save that for another day

it could be worse man that's all I'm saying

XHonusWagnerX - 5-3-2008 at 07:41 PM

I know that I'm not the only one and I know it could be worse, but I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I dont have anything good going on. I dont have a job that I enjoy in the slightest, most of the new friends I make (present company excluded) turn out to be assholes, my family life gets worse and worse to the point that I really have no one to talk to except you guys.... As much as it sucks and as bad as I feel that your car got stolen I wish I had someone like your wife or kids to hang out with and make it a LITTLE better... or a job that I at least took some pride in..... or anything really.

Dont get me wrong, Im glad I'm going to Europe in July, but life seems a little sad when the hilight is living vicariously though a 25 year old hardcore band.

defstarsteve - 5-3-2008 at 07:49 PM

dude and that's why I say move out here
or do something...
get busy living or get busy dying

upyerbum - 5-3-2008 at 10:29 PM

If your unattached, man, don't mope, take full fucking of advantage of it man, remember this is coming from a guy who's been married for 16 years. Don't get me wrong I love my life, but if there's a silver lining to your situation, its the fact that you can do anything, and go anywhere you want. And Steve, that fuckin sucks.

XHonusWagnerX - 5-3-2008 at 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by upyerbum
If your unattached, man, don't mope, take full fucking of advantage of it man, remember this is coming from a guy who's been married for 16 years. Don't get me wrong I love my life, but if there's a silver lining to your situation, its the fact that you can do anything, and go anywhere you want. And Steve, that fuckin sucks.

what can I do? where can I go? I have to work monday - friday at 5.30am to a job that I hate so I get home and Im exhausted and I goto bed at 10 so I can get some sleep to get up for work. Im not and have never been an overly social person so Im not gonna just 'go out'.

ehhh... I dont know.... I guess its just me.

defstarsteve - 5-3-2008 at 11:37 PM

dude you gotta take control of your life...
I hated my 9-5 working for the man
so I learned how to do something and started a business
it was the stupidest and best thing I have ever done...
I have no idea dya to day how I am going to pay my bills, but you know what they get paid...
some times on times sometimes I am busting my ass to keep the lights turned on...
but I am in control of everything that happens to a point...

if I want more customers from a certain location I go get them...
I wanted to move my family to LA and I did...
I hated where we were living but in doing so I over doubled my bills monthly...
not because LA is so expensve rather I have a house I am buying in PA where the business is,
that I have to maintain as well as LA...

but I knew I had to take a risk
yes it could cost me everything I have worked for,
but at the same time if I would have styed there I would have gone THE shinning on everyone
and really lost everything
so the risk is worth it

dude it's a job, not a career
not something worth working the rest of your life for...
quit while you are young and still have a chance to do something different..

dude look at monty
he didn't have to have surgery, hell most people don't give a fuck abut how they live or who it affects...
but he wanted a better life for himself and his family, and he knew he had to do something
and dude is doing amazing...

you don't have a lot of the things that tie people to a dead end job
wife, mortgage, kids...addiction
are you going to wait till you do?
any risk you take now affects you, and you only and can only lead you down the next path
and even if that fucking sucks, will it be worse then this...
life is a journey not a destination, and you gotta get moving before it passes you by

Lucabrasi - 5-4-2008 at 12:09 AM

Honus

A very good friend once told me " Focus on the Solution, not the problem" Maybe you're focus is so much on the problems in your life you forget about finding a logical and rational solution to them. Of course things are going to go wrong in life, it happens with everyone. Don't feel as if your being excluded from some huge party where everyone else is having the time of their lives while you feel in the dumps because thats not the case. Everyone hits a low point in their life. In fact the lowest point in my life was probably the best thing to happen to me because I was able to gain so much more from working through my problems by myself (and with the help of others) that if I hadn't been diagnosed with severe depression/anxiety and psychosis I wouldn't have done the things I did to get me the job I have, get me back into school, start up my own successful business and move out on my own. And it wasn't so much the outcome of getting my mental disorders under control that was the most important but the knowledge I got from working through it which I now use to help the youth I work with who are dealing with the same stuff I delt with when I was their age. So don't take lifes inconveniences as all bad, try looking at them from a different perspective and see what good could come from dealing with them.

What is it thats stopping you from getting a new job? It sounds like you have the stability of the job that you can be looking for others. You could go back to school to get a degree (I work 2 jobs and do online schooling, it works out great). Go out and try meeting new people. I sit down at my local bookstore/coffee shop quite often and strike up conversations with people I've never met before. I talked with an elderly lady for over an hour and we discussed everything from card games to celebrities who live in Vermont to psychology. What is stopping you from taking up a sport? Exercise is great for boosting self-esteem. Get yourself in a routine that you enjoy and out of the routine you hate.

Murk - 5-4-2008 at 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by XHonusWagnerX
life seems a little sad when the hilight is living vicariously though a 25 year old hardcore band.

not at all. :no:

if i won the lottery or was a rich kid i'd be doing exactly that with my favorite band.

i'm on a six year shit streak, only have one friend, a girlfriend and 2 cats.

i know how ya feel...

clevohardcore - 5-4-2008 at 01:16 AM

Change. Make a change. It's really that simple. Do it wisely though and with good intentiona nd things will work out. I ahve been though alot and you must do your best and keep your head straight. I aint tying to be pompus because man I have been there many times. Its sucks, but remember it can be alot worse. My senoir year I had this teacher who taught business. Dude was good teacher. He said something along the lines of .....

When you think your as low as you can get, remember you can always sink lower.

Those aint the exact words, but they are prettty fucking close. That was like 13 years ago. I can't remmber it.

XHonusWagnerX - 5-4-2008 at 08:49 AM

thanks guys.... but its not as easy as you make it sound. guess I just needed to vent. I'll shut up now.

Lucabrasi - 5-4-2008 at 09:11 AM

dude, its not supposed to be easy and if it was easy they everyone could do it. It took me years to get out of my rut but I kept at it even when I fucked up. You dont have to tackle all your problems at once cause you'll get overwhelmed and frustrated and quit. Start small and work your way up.

XHonusWagnerX - 5-4-2008 at 09:45 AM

I guess Ive just already gotten overwhelmed, frustrated and quit.

Lucabrasi - 5-4-2008 at 09:50 AM

disqualifying yourself before you even start....not good dude. :umm:

XHonusWagnerX - 5-4-2008 at 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lucabrasi
disqualifying yourself before you even start....not good dude. :umm:

Ive been at this for a long time... and Ive tried different things.

I have no skills and no interests and I have after a few years I have hated ever job I've had. That being said, how can I quit a job that pays $21 an hour with benefits etc to switch to another job that history shows I will hate just as much after a few years.

I dont make friends very easily which is why I have so few. That being said, moving somewhere totally new would most likely mean I would have no friends because I dont go out in an area that I know, so I doubt I'm going to go out in an area that I dont know.

This is not an excuse, but my mom has been verbally abusive for years and even though I goto therapy I still cant get past the things that she has said. In no certain terms I was told that I was stupid. Well.... since I have no skills and no interests and Im really not good at much of anything... maybe thats true?

XnMeX - 5-4-2008 at 11:33 AM

I ALWAYS feel bad for your situations from knowing you kinda personally and knowing that you are probably one of the nicest people I have met. Never done me wrong and ALWAYS nice as hell.

I feel for the situations as well, I have ranted on here NUMEROUS times before and I will recap on them to see if it helps to show what "baby steps" I have taken over the years...

Mom problem... I was living with my mother who did nothing but play scratch tickets, not pay the bills when I would give her bill money to pay them, no oil in the heater in the middle of winter, no phone, cable, internet, etc... Well, I went and got an apartment away from her. It is sad that she is spending her cash on bullshit, but I am not going to lt her take me down.

Jobs... I had posted on here before about being upset about not having a job. Well, I got one and I have the same problem that you have. I have NEVER enjoyed a job that I have worked at at all. BUT, I put in my time, cash my check, and do what needs to be done for now.

Weight... well, we obviouly know the route I went with that and that is a key to alot of the steps I am going for in life.

So, basically it went like this. I was having trouble getting a job. Main reason is I could not work more that 2-3 hours standing without my back KILLING me so that excluded 95% of the entry level jobs out there. I finally got a job. I then got the insurance knowing my plan was to get the surgery, work their while sliming down, and find somthing else afterwards and that is where I am on my long term plans. From there I am applying to the Navy Yard in the area for a manual labor aprenticeship that pays $16.00 an our while in training and trains me with a career skill (welding, pipe fitting, injection molding, etc). I will probably not like this job either because I feel the same way as you as far as work and my job history but you know what? I will never know unless I try and that is not the end of my plans as it is. I want to work there for some years, gain some bank, then open up a business for me and Lori to run. I have a few ideas for businesses and am willing to go forward with one if I feel that I can survive while doing it and finally enjoy working.

DEFFINETLY not an overnight change, but eventually I will get there and things may even change from that plan by the time I get there.

defstarsteve - 5-4-2008 at 01:43 PM

dude remember even porn stars hate their jobs....
and while you make good money at your job money is not everything
go watch american beauty...

and I know not 1 person in LA, I have 0 friends here, and I don't care

if you are not a social person why try to be
fuck people... I have lived on both coasts and everywhere inbetween and people are idiots everywhere...
do what makes you happy, not what society tries to dictate to you as the norm...

if you get involved in doing what you enjoy you will meet people who feel the same way...
and I have never meet anyone who has 0 skills or intrest...

you like music... that's an intrest...
you play video games, thats a skill and an intrest...

your mother is a cunt and you are giving the cunt power over you...
I haven't seen my physically and mentally abusive ex-step father in almost 15 years...

you have only so much time
you have to sever the negative relationships and work on getting you straight
and once you are straight you will find new things that will better you
but only you can take those first steps

why do you still have any contact with the people who have nothing better to do then bring you down...
and have you ever thought about why they try to bring you down?
what did their parents do to them
cycles of abuse are fucked up and you have to take the steps to break them

everyone is not trying to give you posi life youth crew bullshit either....
we who have posted are still a bunch of haters and negative people who could give 2 shirts about most other people
but we care about ourselves...
take care of number fucking one and fuck the rest

XnMeX - 5-4-2008 at 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by defstarsteve
take care of number fucking one and fuck the rest

EXACTLY! Hence why me and my fiance are gentting "2 against the world" engraved on our wedding rings. There are too many douchebags in the world to worry about. Once you deal with one, there are 50 others lined up to take their place.

Furly - 5-4-2008 at 03:37 PM

Joshua,
You are one of the nicest and most caring people I have met in a long time. I have gone through some of the hardest times in my life recently and you have been there for me every step of the way, everytime I needed someone to lean on. I am proud to say, after the short time i've known you, I can really call you a friend. Thank you.

Here on this board you've helped so many people try to find the material things (records, shirts, ect,..) that they have wanted, and more importantly given your good luck and support when anyone has had any sort of personal problem. You have people that care about you and are trying thier best to help you that havn't even met you in real life.

I'm sorry I can't take away your hate and pain, but as we know, I've tried and failed. I do not hold that magic wand. Even though I manage to piss you off more, I'm still here for you when you need to talk. I'll try to keep my trap shut, but you know how much I suck at that.

your friend,
Andrea

Murk - 5-4-2008 at 04:08 PM

Steve, if there's anything i can do to help etc., lemmy know...

i'm not that far away...

Spoiler - 5-4-2008 at 08:25 PM

I spent the last 15 minutes typing up all my problems here....but I ran outta space and had to delete it.Life sucks sometimes man,most of the time for people like me....but you just gotta roll with the punches....and hit back harder.I ain't one to be giving advise here though,cause my life has been pretty fucked for the last few years....but
listen to these other guys,they sound like they know what their talking about.

If you need to talk to someone who feels your pain...hit me up on myspace or email

and cheer the fuck up for christ sake

upyerbum - 5-5-2008 at 07:56 AM

I'm just throwing this out there, but, have you considered setting up some kind of "Boston Hardcore/Punk" museum/hall of fame kind of thing? You'd kick ass at that. Of course, the key to that whole operation would be the gift shop. Its sound tired and cliche, but it is true "Every journey starts with the first step".

CR83 - 5-5-2008 at 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by upyerbum
I'm just throwing this out there, but, have you considered setting up some kind of "Boston Hardcore/Punk" museum/hall of fame kind of thing? You'd kick ass at that. Of course, the key to that whole operation would be the gift shop. ".

Honus, this is a brilliant idea for you.

Lucabrasi - 5-5-2008 at 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by XHonusWagnerX

Quote:

Originally posted by Lucabrasi
disqualifying yourself before you even start....not good dude. :umm:

OK...you have no skills? Everyone has a skill. I've have never meet you but from what I've observed and heard from others on the board you are an extremely nice and willing to help kinda person. How is that not a skill? Shit I get paid to be nice for 3 overnight shifts a week so why cant you do the same? In a sea of bitter old bastards like us on the board this puts you in a league of your own. You have the knowledge to create and market your ideas,I see you do it with the Slapshot merch. You've survived this far in life which requires skills to be consistent. So don't give me the no skills trip cause I hear it all the time from the kids I work with and if homeless kids can notice their skills there is no way you shouldn't be able to also.

The $21 is nice to have with benefits but is it worth all the discomfort it brings you? If someone was to tell me that money bought happiness I would point them in your direction because if $21 an hour cannot make a man happy then no working mans salary can do it. The issue isn't the money though, its about finding something you WANT to do and turning it into a viable source of income. Use Steve, myself and anyone else as an example of turning something we like into a source of income. Yeah I dont make $21 an hour at my business but I love doing it and I would rather sit in front of the computer in my underwear drinking a beer and drawing then in a hot dish room for 40 hours a week at 7.85 an hour.

About your abusive mother It would be easier for me to have you read my term paper but if you still see a therapist bring up the topic of cognitive therapy. Its not some weird delve deep into the brain kinda technique, it deals with the hear and now and not the past and future. Shit worked wonders for me and is extremely effective..

Discipline - 5-5-2008 at 06:16 PM

Hookers and blow.

Just sayin'. :lol:

Murk - 5-5-2008 at 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Discipline
Hookers and blow.

Just sayin'. :lol:

LOL!