I KNEW I shouldn't have said anything

Enyo - 7-8-2009 at 12:00 PM

They will be moving our foster son in about 2 weeks.
At his court hearing yesterday a family member came forward who wants to adopt him.

I haven't talked to her yet, but I will be meeting with them tomorrow and trading pictures and things so that she can prepare her other children (one of whom is B's sister) and I can prepare B.

I hope they things go quickly and smoothly. I know that this is good for him but it is VERY hard and very sad for us.

He has extreme seperation anxiety, but is getting better. When hubby would leave the room he would immediately begin to cry and scream "Daddy come back!"
now he can stay calm, and he'll reassure himself by saying "Daddy be back in a minute. Daddy loves me. Daddy misses me"

It is breaking our hearts. Everytime he starts repeating those things to himself I have try really hard to not cry.

I think we're done with foster care for now. I have a meeting with our support person this afternoon and she claims she has "something" to tell me that will change my mind, but unless she's handing over a legally free baby TODAY. I need a break from this emotional roller coaster.

Thanks for listening.

ShawnRefuse - 7-8-2009 at 12:04 PM

Sorry for all of your troubles, you are a better person than I. I wouldn't have been able to do what you have with kids. Just keep in mind, you affected them in a good way for the time they were with you.

A sneak peek for them that there is something better out there.

RomanticViolence - 7-8-2009 at 12:04 PM

Oh my god... that is so fucking sad. I can't imagine what your going through. I don't even know what to say except you seem like a strong willed person and you will get through this.
You have us to talk to babe.

XHonusWagnerX - 7-8-2009 at 01:01 PM

Im sorry... that stinks, but like you said it is what is best for him to be with his sister.

I cant blame you for needing a break, but keep an open mind when the foster people talk to you and maybe the next one will work out the way you hope.

defstarsteve - 7-8-2009 at 01:17 PM

damn I'm so sorry to hear that...
hang in there

Dave - 7-8-2009 at 03:16 PM

well that's sad, and i'm very sorry to hear about it, but keep us updated on the results.

but remember third times a charm.....

Spoiler - 7-8-2009 at 03:22 PM

I know that has to be hard on you , but at least you know the little guy will be with his sister and hopefully taken well care of.
I wish you all the best if you and your husband decide to try again.

CR83 - 7-8-2009 at 03:33 PM

You helped him no matter what. He was safe and happy. That is the best thing in the world for a kid. You are a great person. 99% of our society wouldn't do what you did. You are special

newbreedbrian - 7-8-2009 at 03:57 PM

wow, that must be really hard for you. you are a really good person. don't give up, you rule.

Enyo - 7-8-2009 at 04:13 PM

Thanks for the support.

I was really devestated last night but the important thing is to prepare B to move so that it's not so traumatic for him.
We'll be meeting them tomorrow, and then Lee and I will be talking up how awesome "mommy D's" house is.. and how much fun he's going to have there.. and have him learn everyone's names by looking at pictures.

He's small enough that he should transition fine and everything will work out.

I just will miss him terribly. and I know he will forget us soon enough but the idea that he is old enough to recognize that we are leaving him, but not aware enough to understand why... that's the thing that hurts. I don't want him to think that we abandonded him.

DAK - 7-8-2009 at 05:49 PM

I'm sorry this has happened again. My respect to you and your husband.

XnMeX - 7-8-2009 at 05:59 PM

That sucks REALLY bad. I hope the best for you and hope everything works out if / when you try again. Just wait till it is a situation where this isn't a possability maybe?

Not to pry but is there a reason you are going with adoption in particular other than wanting to adopt? You don't need to answer obviously but I am curious.

Discipline - 7-8-2009 at 06:40 PM

Don't get too depressed. There are many, many kids looking for a good home, it's just a matter of time before you get the right one.

Voodoobillyman - 7-9-2009 at 08:22 AM

You and your husband are MY heroes. What you do sums up what I truly believe, nothing worth doing is EVER easy. I still have faith that good things happen to truly good people and you two are most certainly overdue.

Enyo - 7-9-2009 at 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by XnMeX
Just wait till it is a situation where this isn't a possability maybe?

Not to pry but is there a reason you are going with adoption in particular other than wanting to adopt? You don't need to answer obviously but I am curious.

XnMeX- with foster care it's ALWAYS a possibility. We didn't start fostering with the intention of adopting, but it's just really hard because the social worker told me in our first conversation that B "mostly likely" be up for adoption in as little as 3 months, and that they had already checked out the family and that no one wanted him. So at first we were freaked out because the kid has some issues and we didn't sign on to do this to adopt.. but it's like as soon as we started thinking that maybe we really could handle it and really started to accept that we would keep him then this happens.

to be honest.. Lee and I have been living together for 10 years. that's a LONG time for it to be just us. and we wanted to foster for a couple of reasons but one of them was to see if we enjoyed parenting together and if we COULD parent together without trying to kill each other.

If nothing else, we have answered that question... and I think that we may try to get pregnant at some point next year.

Enyo - 7-9-2009 at 09:57 AM

Our experience with foster care so far has really been unique. The reality is that like 80% of kids either go home to their parents OR go to relatives. The fact that we were asked if we were going to adopt so early in the process for both kids is rare.

I would never want to discourage anyone from doing this though. I think it's MUCH harder if you don't already have children. When they leave the house is so quiet and empty.

as hard as it is and has been.. I still think it's worth doing. The hardest part is not dealing with your own heartbreak, because we're adults.. we KNOW we will heal and move on. It's trying to protect them from a broken system when you have no rights and no say in what happens to them.