Friends... (this is a long moping rant)

XHonusWagnerX - 8-26-2005 at 08:35 AM

Im bummed out today and figured I would share with everyone. Im 31 and have had the same small group of friends since about 11th grade. Weve been in bands together, weve lived together, hung out all the time etc.

Well a few years ago the inveitable started happening. 2 friends got married. It didnt change things a lot, but it did have an effect. Then one friend moved about an hour away and because he always feels so 'busy' with whatever it is he does I dont see him that often. Then that same friend had a baby and it ment seeing him even less.

Well eventually the travel, wives and some other things caused 2 guys to quit the band we were in (one wasnt really a friend). It was done in a way that caused hard feelings and now I dont see or talk to him at all anymore. I heard he just had a baby, but only through some other people.

In the last month or so another friend decided that she wants to move to Denver, CO. Its pretty out of the blue so Im bummed about that because shes one of the people I still see and hang out with. Last week I found out that my other friend (not mentioned yet) is joining the army and will be leaving the first week of October. His brother is selling the house they live in together and moving about an hour away as well.

So at the begining of this story I had 5 close friends (plus one friends brother) and now after weddings, babies, band break ups, cross state moves, cross country moves, house forclosings and military service..... I have one friend left that I will see on a regular basis.

I know people change, but I guess I just didnt want it to happen so bad that I wasnt prepared for it. Im still the same person I was 10 years ago. I love the same people, I like the same music (plus some new stuff), I have the same interests, Im still responsible.... Am i weird because I havent changed? I dont know really, but Im really bummed about the whole thing. Partially because it seems to bother me much more than anyone else. Its like they almost dont care that we never see each other sometimes.

Oh well... that was WAY to long and maybe to personal to share on a message board, but unfortunantly I dont have many other people to share it with.

DAK - 8-26-2005 at 08:59 AM

Dude that sucks. All of my friends are married and or have kids. We still hang out almost every weekend. Hang in there bro.

GabeTexasGAMC - 8-26-2005 at 10:18 AM

we grow up...
we grow old.
Everything changes when we stay the same.
Shit, thats life right in the face.

XnMeX - 8-26-2005 at 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by XHonusWagnerX
Im bummed out today and figured I would share with everyone. Im 31 and have had the same small group of friends since about 11th grade. Weve been in bands together, weve lived together, hung out all the time etc.

Well a few years ago the inveitable started happening. 2 friends got married. It didnt change things a lot, but it did have an effect. Then one friend moved about an hour away and because he always feels so 'busy' with whatever it is he does I dont see him that often. Then that same friend had a baby and it ment seeing him even less.

Well eventually the travel, wives and some other things caused 2 guys to quit the band we were in (one wasnt really a friend). It was done in a way that caused hard feelings and now I dont see or talk to him at all anymore. I heard he just had a baby, but only through some other people.

In the last month or so another friend decided that she wants to move to Denver, CO. Its pretty out of the blue so Im bummed about that because shes one of the people I still see and hang out with. Last week I found out that my other friend (not mentioned yet) is joining the army and will be leaving the first week of October. His brother is selling the house they live in together and moving about an hour away as well.

So at the begining of this story I had 5 close friends (plus one friends brother) and now after weddings, babies, band break ups, cross state moves, cross country moves, house forclosings and military service..... I have one friend left that I will see on a regular basis.

I know people change, but I guess I just didnt want it to happen so bad that I wasnt prepared for it. Im still the same person I was 10 years ago. I love the same people, I like the same music (plus some new stuff), I have the same interests, Im still responsible.... Am i weird because I havent changed? I dont know really, but Im really bummed about the whole thing. Partially because it seems to bother me much more than anyone else. Its like they almost dont care that we never see each other sometimes.

Oh well... that was WAY to long and maybe to personal to share on a message board, but unfortunantly I dont have many other people to share it with.

I feel your pain completly. I Have a steady GF (going on 4 years now) and I still know how to handle friendships along with it but it seems my friends don't. It just seems like eveyone wants to grow up, and I want to stay young (hell, I am only 25 and the friends I am talking about wanting to "grow up" are younger than me). I still go to shows when a good one comes around like I always have where as some of my friends that used to go to every show with me, don't go to any. It's like they want to be with there significant other, work their 40 hours a week, and become "an adult". I am not some little punk ass kid going "Fuck growing up!!!" but I DO know how to find a way to grow up in ways but still have fun at the same time. I couldn't see living life just to get thru it when I could be enjoying it for whatever it is worth.

clevohardcore - 8-26-2005 at 11:49 AM

I htink about the same shit everyday.

hollymaconmovies - 8-26-2005 at 12:55 PM

Hang in there HW. I've seen that happen before. Especially when people are going through major changes in their life (new jobs, marriages, relationships, kids etc.). I don't know your friends obviously, but I doubt it's that they don't care. Focus changes, but a lot of times it's temporary in it's intensity. Often, when the dust settles people come back together and pick up right where they left off. Some may drift away forever, but that's life I guess.

In the mean time, take the opportunity to meet new people. I'm making new friends now for the first time in more than 10 years. It may take time to establish friendships like the ones that you mentioned having. But in the mean time just have fun meeting new people. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who enjoy the same things you do. Go find them, and have fun with it.

And in the mean time, touch base with your old friends from time to time, and bounce things off of us when you need an ear.

BDx13 - 8-26-2005 at 01:46 PM

i'm still tight with the vast majority of my core group of friends from my younger years (we?re all in our 30s now). but like you, HW, some of mine have different priorities and now live all over the country. some are still single in philly, but others have started their own businesses or are have joined the hell's angels or reproduced endlessly. they're in pa, ca, ny, fl, nv, or, md, australia, india, england, even mali.

i hear from some people by phone or email every now and again, but the about once a year there is some event we all need to be at (wedding, bachelor party, graduation, whatever), and we make a big ol' reunion out of it. last spring, my daughter was born three months early, and was in the hospital for quite some time; we got calls, cards and visits from people all over the world.

the main thing is that, for the most part, we're still the same people - same sense of humor, set of values, personality, etc - and while we do have new interests and responsibilities in life, we can still share those experiences with one another and appreciate what the others are doing. i consider myself quite fortunate have the group of friends that i do, regardless of how infrequently I see them.

moron - 8-26-2005 at 02:02 PM

Ive been saying the same kind of thing as XnMeX lately. Fuck growing up, but man... I just cant avoid it. Im all for taking care of your responsibilities, but I dont want to forget how to let loose. My friends lives are a constant reminder that things are changing with us and we cant always call each other up to see if we want to go to the bar on a moment's notice. Most of my friends are married now, and one couple has a kid on the way. A few others are talking about kids, and man will that change stuff. I try not to be selfish because I know that Im just a smaller part of their life and for lots of people growing up means starting a family and taking care of a family takes a lot of time and lots of hard work.

So to the original post.... Im in the reverse position as you. I was the one who moved away from my friends. Im about 2 1/2 hours away from my friends.... and family actually. I really cherish their friendships so throughout the 3 years Ive been here in NYC Ive kept in close contact with everyone. I make visits from time to time and they visit me as well. It can work out if you want it to, but I was definitely a little lonely for a while until I started making some new friends in this area. So hang in there and just keep in touch with them.

Voodoobillyman - 8-27-2005 at 03:16 PM

I can relate as well, but from the point of view of one of those who picked up and moved. Most of my friends back home are still doing the same thing, which is not much ( not saying this is like you ) just happend to be my particular situation, and it ends in drug overdoses and prison for most there. I am in the Military and it's real tough to keep friends here, they come and go like theres a turnstyle in my life, hard to deal with. You'll come through though we are built to be independant beings first and foremost and there are plenty of new people to meet and form relationships with.