The Stella Awards

Discipline - 6-11-2006 at 01:24 PM

THE STELLA AWARDS

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards." The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.
Here are this year's winners:

7th Place:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

6th Place:
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place:
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

thedog - 6-11-2006 at 06:24 PM

people are fucked up.

joemaconmovies - 6-11-2006 at 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Discipline
1st Place:
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

That's called auto-pilot. Fucking retard.

crazyfists28 - 6-11-2006 at 08:40 PM

im busy thinking up ways to be a complete fucktard cuz it'll probably get me mucho dinero

newbreedbrian - 6-11-2006 at 10:37 PM

these things never fail to digust me. personal accountability is a thing of the past these days. sad reflection on society really. everything is someone else's fault. we need to stop coddling stupid people. NOW. "it's mcdonalds fault im fat", "it's tv and musics fault my kids are out stealing shit and jumping people", "it's the coffee shops fault i burnt myself, i didn't know coffee was hot". FUCK OFF RETARDS AND TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS!!!!

Voodoobillyman - 6-12-2006 at 09:18 AM

I am more disgusted with the jurors than the people who filed the lawsuits...............think about it. As for a couple of them, I may have actually exploded in a fit of rage and ended their lives, like the little fuck shooting the dog, a bite on the ass would have been the least of his worries. i would think he would have to worry more about the pellets embedded in his eyesockets after I held him down and repeatedly shot his fuckin eyeballs out. I would have buckwheated that fucktard for sure.

clevohardcore - 6-12-2006 at 10:02 AM

A coupe of those have to made up. Seriously and if they are nto I am ????? Hell I can't even explain it. Just sad.