Thorp and Sailor's Grave Board

Im a fucking mess..

Lucabrasi - 1-22-2007 at 06:44 PM

Im flying to FL from VT tomorrow night to visit my father who is dying of cancer. He is in the hospital right now and isnt expected to live much longer. Having to say my last goodbye is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I talked to him briefly on the phone tonight and it was so hard. Hearing all the medical machines in the background and trying to make out what he was saying through the crying was unbarable. He knows he is going to die and that just kills me that someone has to know their last day is coming up so soon. I so dont want to have to go through this right now... Cancer is so fucked up.

XHonusWagnerX - 1-22-2007 at 06:58 PM

shit man.... Im so sorry. Theres not much anyone can say because Im sure it will be an insanely hard thing to go through, but at least you will be there for him. Try to take care and let us know if there is anything any of us can do for you.

Take care.

Spoiler - 1-22-2007 at 07:07 PM

Bless you and your family...I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better,but I know theres not,just try to be strong.


FUCK CANCER

Lucabrasi - 1-22-2007 at 07:08 PM

thanks Honus. I wish there was something someone could do but in all reality there is nothing. The next few weeks are going to emotionally drain me...

Lucabrasi - 1-22-2007 at 07:15 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Spoiler
Bless you and your family...I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better,but I know theres not,just try to be strong.


FUCK CANCER


Thanks you Spoiler. There are so many things running through my head right now I just wish I had family up here I could talk to. Im all alone on this until tomorrow night.

moron - 1-22-2007 at 07:20 PM

Sorry to hear that, man. Im not sure what else to say... damn. Take care of yourself.

DAK - 1-22-2007 at 08:01 PM

Sorry brother, hang in there.

Dave - 1-22-2007 at 08:18 PM

i went thru this with my mother (shit its been ten years now), there really isnt anything you can to to prepare your self what is going to happen the the near future, just remember that your going down there to be there for him, no matter how shitty you feel, spend as much time as you can with him, even if he's sleeping, he still knows that you are there, and that he is loved, and not alone.

take it one day at a time and take care of yourself.

all the best.

moforn - 1-22-2007 at 09:06 PM

take care man, don't know what else to say...it's got to be hard on you

Lucabrasi - 1-22-2007 at 09:18 PM

its so unbelivably hard I cannot even explain it. I know I have to be there for my mom, thats whats keepin me goin.

JUICE MAYNE MSHC - 1-22-2007 at 10:19 PM

I know what you're going through bro. My dad died of cancer. Everyone else in my family except for my brother and Mom and an aunt has also died. Nothing is gonna make you feel better except your family and time. Just spend as much time with them as you can. It'll get easier with time, trust me. It'll always be hard but just not as much.

Discipline - 1-22-2007 at 10:51 PM

Sorry bud. Stay strong for your family and make the most of this time.

BDx13 - 1-22-2007 at 11:54 PM

man, i can't even imagine.
stay strong.

morgan - 1-22-2007 at 11:54 PM

I have to agree with Spoiler, fuck cancer. I've had to deal with seeing people I care about fighting it since I was 9. My dad has had cancer 3 times in the past 7 years. His sister died from it 8 years ago. My best friend's dad died from it last june. Definately not an easy thing to deal with. My sympathies and best wishes go out to you and your entire family. Stay strong.

newbreedbrian - 1-22-2007 at 11:56 PM

That sucks man. All the best to you and your family. Cancer has taken alot of people away from me, including my father. I'm sure your mom really appreciates you being there for her.

Lucabrasi - 1-23-2007 at 12:27 AM

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It means alot to me that people I dont really know can take the time out to respond while so called friends of mine wont even say "im sorry" because they are to busy getting high. Again, thank you all.

thedog - 1-23-2007 at 02:29 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Lucabrasi
its so unbelivably hard I cannot even explain it. I know I have to be there for my mom, thats whats keepin me goin.

there are no words i can say will make this any easier for you,
but just keep your spirits up the best you can, i know it will be tough.
bein there for your mom and family will be very important.

i lost my father when i was 10.
not to cancer, he had a heart attack at work.

jonnynewbreed - 1-23-2007 at 03:15 AM

Yeah man. I went through this with my mom back in high school. Luckely I had some great guys like dave and brian (above) to help me through it. This is not going to be easy on you but it's out of your hands at this point. Make sure you have some good people around you to help you through the tough times.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this my friend...my thoughts are with you. Be strong.

clevohardcore - 1-23-2007 at 09:27 AM

Just be there for him. He needs you to do that.


Be strong and repeat the words "I love you". They go along way. Your family are in my prayers.

BDx13 - 1-23-2007 at 09:45 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Lucabrasi
Thanks everyone for the kind words. It means alot to me that people I dont really know can take the time out to respond while so called friends of mine wont even say "im sorry" because they are to busy getting high. Again, thank you all.


that's the beauty of this board. in all honesty, your situation was one of the first things i thought of this morning when i got up...shortly after "why is this child awake at 5:45 AM AGAIN!!"

as you've read, many people here have been through similar situations, so they can certainly empathize. i haven't experienced this with a parent, and like i said before, i can't imagine. hopefully you had a good relationship with your dad. if so, celebrate the time you had with him, thank him for being the man he is, and tell him how much you love and appreciate him.

you and your family will continue to be in my thoughts.

CR83 - 1-23-2007 at 11:08 AM

I know we are only "posters" and "words" on this board but we are always here. I'm assuming that is why you rposted it up here. It is very hard to go through this, I'm sure. We are here man. Always.

RomanticViolence - 1-23-2007 at 01:06 PM

I'm sorry to hear this Lucabrasi. Try to stay strong for your family.

My mom died in 2003 from cancer. When we found out that there was nothing more the doctors or treatments could do for her she told us that she wanted to stay home with hospice care. My sister and I took care of her until she died.

BKT - 1-23-2007 at 01:12 PM

Rough news. Sorry to hear that. I have had family memebers and best friends die, it is really a hard thing to go through, take time, share how you feel with loved ones and rely on your family and friends and you will get through this. Take care brother.

MM.

Voodoobillyman - 1-23-2007 at 01:42 PM

I've lost a few of those closest to me to various forms of this evil ass disease, My prayers to you and yours bro.

tireironsaint - 1-23-2007 at 02:58 PM

I can relate too. My Stepmom died of cancer when I was in High School and my Grandmother has been fighting it for several years now. It's really rough stuff to go through, but I wish you and your family the best in the time ahead.

Lucabrasi - 1-24-2007 at 03:08 AM

Im in FL right now and happy to be with my mom. My father is coming home from the hospital tomorrow. They are going to bring him a bed so he can pass while around family. They say its only a matter of days now. I think it will make it easier on all of us to not be seeing him in the hospital so we can see him in a comfortable enviroment. Its been a long day so im off to bed.

Lucabrasi - 1-24-2007 at 03:25 PM

I plan on spending as much time with his as possible. My mom left alittle while ago to go get him at the hospital so he should be here shortly. I cant wait to see him.

BDx13 - 1-24-2007 at 03:33 PM

time to get psyched up with some good hardcore!

stay strong.

Dave - 1-24-2007 at 03:34 PM

this is pretty much what we did with my mother, she died at my grandfathers house with the whole family there for support.

she knew she was loved.

Lucabrasi - 1-25-2007 at 03:54 PM

Sorry to keep bumping this thread but I just wanted to thank everyone again for the support. Its so nice to be down here with him and im hoping to stay even longer as long as work will let me. Im spending as much time as possible with him. Lastnight we watched some of season 6 of the Sopranos. Tomorrow im going to take him for a walk around the block so he can get some fresh air. The doctors told him not to stay in bed all the time. We are also going to take him to honeymoon island tomorrow (i think its a national park here in FL) which will be nice. He is getting a masauge (sP?) right now and enjoying it...maybe alittle to much:P

BDx13 - 1-25-2007 at 04:05 PM

thanks for the update.
that's great he's able to get around and do things. shit, get him a massage tomorrow, too!
it seems strange to say, but enjoy this time that you have with him.

Voodoobillyman - 1-25-2007 at 04:20 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Lucabrasi
Sorry to keep bumping this thread but I just wanted to thank everyone again for the support. Its so nice to be down here with him and im hoping to stay even longer as long as work will let me. Im spending as much time as possible with him. Lastnight we watched some of season 6 of the Sopranos. Tomorrow im going to take him for a walk around the block so he can get some fresh air. The doctors told him not to stay in bed all the time. We are also going to take him to honeymoon island tomorrow (i think its a national park here in FL) which will be nice. He is getting a masauge (sP?) right now and enjoying it...maybe alittle to much:P



Sounds good bro, I know you'll cherish every moment.

newbreedbrian - 1-25-2007 at 04:25 PM

sounds like he's very comfortable with his loved ones around him. and that's what's really important right now. good on ya and enjoy this time with him

upyerbum - 1-25-2007 at 08:23 PM

You bump this thread as many goddamn times as you feel like. Remember the good times, learn from the bad, my thoughts are with you and your family. Peace.

beaner - 1-26-2007 at 05:02 AM

words cannot explain how sorry we all are about what you and your family are going through.

here's hoping that you knowing that all of us are thinking about you helps in just a small way.

Lucabrasi - 1-26-2007 at 11:53 AM

you have no idea how good its feels to know you people are for me. Everyone has been so nice and I have never even met you people before. I owe each and everyone of you.

Voodoobillyman - 1-26-2007 at 12:42 PM

Nah, you don't owe anyone bro, just focus on the important things and take care. We all know you would offer the same words for any of us.

Lucabrasi - 1-27-2007 at 12:42 AM

I had a good day today. My whole family took a ride out to Honeymoon Island which is a very pretty beach here in FL. I wanted to get my dad out of the car so we could all take a picture with him at the beach but he said it was to cold so we held off until another time. He has been pretty drugged up on oxycotin and has been sleeping alot. He doesnt like that much. I watched some Sopranos with him earlier today when one of his friends and his son stopped by. He was cracking jokes and commenting on how Adriana has a " nice ass" which gave us all a good laugh. Im going to be staying down here until Monday and both of my sisters are leaving tomorrow. I think it would be to hard on him if we all left the same day. He has more relatives and friends flying in the middle of next week so if I leave monday he will be around good company shortly. His legs and stomach are really swollen because his liver isnt working correctly which makes him retain fluids. However when I was helping him back into bed I had to lift his legs up for him and the swelling has gone down quit a bit and where his legs were very stiff and hard they are now much more softer when I give them alittle squeeze, so there are some signs of improvment that his liver is working better. Its been along day but a good one.:)

newbreedbrian - 1-27-2007 at 01:03 AM

wow bro, sounds like a good day over there. Still got a thing for fines asses too it seems :D I'm sure the old man really appreciates all the time you guys are spending with him too. I hope if I ever have a son he cares about me that much.

morgan - 1-27-2007 at 03:44 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Voodoobillyman
Nah, you don't owe anyone bro, just focus on the important things and take care. We all know you would offer the same words for any of us.


Couldn't have said it better.

tireironsaint - 1-27-2007 at 03:54 AM

I'm glad to hear your time with him is going so well. Take care and best wishes.

BDx13 - 1-27-2007 at 12:29 PM

will you be able to head back to FLA next weekend? how much was your flight?

Lucabrasi - 1-27-2007 at 12:50 PM

im still in FL and I will be here until Monday. I wont be flying down again anytime soon though. The funeral will be in VT and my father will be cremated because it was his wishes. Im not sure how much my flight down here cost because my parents made all the arangments.

godabandonedme - 1-27-2007 at 04:52 PM

I haven't been on in a few days so I missed this. Really bummed to hear stuff like this happening to decent people. Good luck with everything, keep your head an fists up.

Dave - 1-27-2007 at 05:59 PM

keep us updated on your weekend

necrobutcher - 1-28-2007 at 04:45 AM

Take care. This is never an easy thing for anyone so I send my best to you and your family.

Lucabrasi - 1-28-2007 at 02:45 PM

Everyone is doing fine. My dad is watching Dances with Wolves and resting. Im working on some design stuff and waiting for my cheese steak (yummy). We're all very tired and im pretty emotionally drained at this point. Its just going to be a relaxing day with hopfully no visiters. My dad has been very open about his funeral arangments which is weird but nice at the same time. At least I know he isnt afraid which makes me feel so much better. Also having him here at home and not in the hospital has made this easier on all of us.

BDx13 - 1-28-2007 at 04:05 PM

that has to be exhausting. you're gonna sleep like a mother fucker when you get home.

godabandonedme - 1-28-2007 at 06:32 PM

I've had very close relatives and a very good friend pass from cancer an it is a terrible thing, however, I do know from those experiences that it is a million times better for them and the family when they are at home and made comfortable (emotionally). It's a tough thing your going through but defintilly making it that much easier on your dad.

Lucabrasi - 1-29-2007 at 09:16 PM

Im back home now. I left FL at noon and got back to VT around 4:30. My dad came to the airport with me and we said our last goodbyes. It was the hardest thing i've had to do. I will still talk to him everynight though to make sure he is ok. It feels nice to be home but I wish I could have stayed longer... Im not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Thank you all for the support. It helped so much through this tough time.

JUICE MAYNE MSHC - 1-29-2007 at 09:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Lucabrasi
Im back home now. I left FL at noon and got back to VT around 4:30. My dad came to the airport with me and we said our last goodbyes. It was the hardest thing i've had to do. I will still talk to him everynight though to make sure he is ok. It feels nice to be home but I wish I could have stayed longer... Im not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Thank you all for the support. It helped so much through this tough time.


man, that made me cry. The last good bye I said to my dad he couldn't talk and I'm not sure he knew I was there. The fact that your dad is still alert is great man.

Lucabrasi - 1-29-2007 at 11:47 PM

its a touchy subject for anyone. But i feel amillion times better being able to see him and waiting on him every moment I was awake because It ment alot to me and him and my whole family. And yes im sad I will probably never see him again, even though I had many of rough times with him like when he called 911 on me (long story) but its my dad and I have unconditional love for him. Im still not done with this ordeal but I feel better knowing he knows I love him and will always love him. That makes me sleep alittle easier at night (and hopfully him)

Lucabrasi - 2-12-2007 at 07:43 PM

I just got off the phone with my mom and my dad passed away around 4:00 this afternoon. Its sad but also a relief at the same time. I dont know how much longer I could have gone on with the constant worrying about his condition. He didnt suffer and went peacfully. R.I.P Dad. :(

Jason the Magnificent - 2-12-2007 at 08:43 PM

Sorry, for your loss. I just finished burrying my grandfather this weekend...I hear you on the relief thing...I think knowing that they're going is almost worse then them being gone. I can't even imagine what its like to lose a parent...I'm fucked up enough with just the grandparent thing.

I think the key is just to stay busy.

defstarsteve - 2-12-2007 at 09:07 PM

sorry for your loss guys
I am about there myself

my mom is in hospice, on oxygen 24/7 and is not allowed to walk...
the fucked thing is they have no idea for sure what is wrong with her...

she is only 53 and has been in a downward spiral for the last 4 years...
I doubt she'll last the year
she hasn't seen my daughter in 5 years
she's never met my son....
too much to think about, just gotta stay busy
and remember the dead feel no more pain, and celebrate them and their lives as if they were still here

Lucabrasi - 2-12-2007 at 10:01 PM

Thank you both so much. Jason, it is such a relief because I know he isnt suffering anymore. Im sorry for your loss. Defstar sorry to hear about your mother. One thing that put me at ease was knowing Hospice was taking care of my father. There are some really amazing people who work for them. They did all they could to make sure my father was in no pain and comfortable. Im sure they will do the same for your mother. I know what you mean about staying busy. Ive been working for 14 days straight to keep my mind off things, im debating whether going into work tomorrow or not though.

Dave - 2-12-2007 at 10:25 PM

take sometime for yourself, if working is right for you then work, if not don't.

Hope your doing well.

newbreedbrian - 2-13-2007 at 12:19 AM

sorry to hear that man. you'll always be happy the last days worked out as they did though.

Voodoobillyman - 2-13-2007 at 08:25 AM

Sorry to hear bro, I'm sure you'll cherish the time you had with him to make peace.

MyOwnWay - 2-13-2007 at 11:23 AM

Lucabrasi,

I have no idea how the fuck I missed this thread. I'm not on everyday but I missed three pages. I'm sorry I didnt post sooner. I read thru the entire thread and such an emotional time for you. The good, the difficult and the time reflecting on all of those years. I will put you and your family in my prayers. I'm sorry you had to go thru it. This is the kind of shit you wish noone had to endure. You seem strong which is good. And it may sound corney but anytime you need to vent make a post. Its like a hardcore support group over here. Take care.

BDx13 - 2-13-2007 at 12:26 PM

You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts.
I'm so glad you had the chance to go down and spend some time with him.