BDx13 - 2-28-2007 at 06:46 PM
Cyberspace friendships can be surprisingly close
By Nannette Croce
Among the five people I consider my very good friends are three I have never met face to face. One contacted me about a book review I wrote, back when
opining on Amazon.com still felt thrillingly daring. Another is managing editor of the online publication I work with. The third is a writer with whom
I exchange critiques.
Some may wonder how I could share what I consider a close relationship with someone whose face I have never seen, whose voice I have never heard, and
with whom I have never even shared a handwritten letter, let alone a good, gossipy lunch date. Yet, in the decade since I made that first
cyber-friend, several of my real-world friendships have dwindled to occasional phone calls and the annual Christmas letter, while I communicate with
my friends online at least once a week and often several times a day.
The real world places obstacles in the way of friendships that the cyber-world does not. We like to believe we are above such things, and that true
friendship - like love - conquers all. But at 13, when my forever-and-ever best friend's baby fat shifted to all the right places while mine remained
in the same places, minus the "baby" adjective, we didn't so much drift apart as we were pulled apart by opposing forces. When a former college
roommate marries into a mansion and a 50-foot yacht while you struggle to make rent on a sixth-floor walk-up, finding common ground becomes a
challenge. Different life choices such as marriages, divorces, and babies also take a toll, not to mention the out-of-state job.
Two of my cyber-friends are women about my age. One lives more frugally than I, but my managing editor inhabits a world I will never know, with a
large home on Long Island and a vacation place in the Adirondacks. And the writer? He's a male, young enough to be my son, and, as I eventually
learned from the headshot for his first book, "He's hot." If this young Adonis and I were to meet regularly in a coffee shop, what would people think?
What would we think? Would we be able to bridge that gap and maintain the honest give and take we share online?
Things like money, looks, and even age differences don't matter in cyber-friendships. Neither do marital status or kids, because sitting in front of
our computers is a solitary affair where we can focus on our common interests, unencumbered by those differences that threaten to pull us apart.
When my oldest cyber-friend e-mailed me just hours after her husband's sudden death, a brick fell in my stomach, though I had never so much as seen a
photo of them together. For months, each morning I'd find her cathartic e-mails filled with late-night pain, and I'd answer with a patience that would
have faded quickly had those e-mails been phone calls. And when she "introduced" me to the new man in her life, our friendship continued without the
judgment or awkwardness exhibited by some of her real-world friends.
A couple of years ago, my daughter started college less than an hour from my editor's vacation home. We discussed a visit, to the point where she sent
directions. Then we let it drop.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that anyone depend on cyber-friendships alone. Sometimes we need a real-world hug. But real-world issues can
sap the life from a friendship. I think we knew that, and we didn't want to go there.
MyOwnWay - 2-28-2007 at 06:57 PM
I agree with this.
Today in fact, I described a friend of mine from NY as a close friend. I talk to him daily over, email, message board, or IM, sometimes the phone. He
and I work close in business and I realized how close I value our friendship. I felt weird for thinking that way, consider I've only hung out with him
a handful of times. But this post made me realize, its ok to be a nerd. 
Discipline - 2-28-2007 at 07:06 PM
I talk to the people on here more than anyone else.
This explains why I'm on here about 50 times a day.
Voodoobillyman - 2-28-2007 at 08:54 PM
I luv you guys man!!!!!!!!
tireironsaint - 2-28-2007 at 09:08 PM
Buncha fuckin' softies.
Nah, I actually talk to you guys more than a lot of my closest friends. Hell, I talk to a few people I've never met in person on here and other places
on a nearly daily basis.
XHonusWagnerX - 3-1-2007 at 08:41 AM
Thats totally true! With the exception of friends that I have had for years, almost all of my close friends are online.... including all of you. 