Dave
Posting Freak
Posts: 3281
Registered: 4-6-2003
Location: Halifax
Member Is Offline
Mood: .......
|
|
Canadian World Domination........
http://www.standingonguard.com
THE PLAN
Part One: Communications:
1. Launch Canadian space station "Bombardier1" into orbit.
2. Use space station to electronically destroy the entire world's communication systems, with the exception of the CBC, CTV, Newsworld, YTV, CanWest
Global, CityTV, MuchMusic, TVO, BBC Four, and Fox on Sundays at nine o'clock.
3. Broadcast own political agenda and propaganda on new worldwide station -- Can-O-Vision.
4. Broadcast "Heritage Moments" and "Hinterland" spots every 15 minutes.
5. Invite Peter Mansbridge to execute the turncoat traitor Peter Jennings. Show execution on live tv.
6. Kill the VJs and crew of MTV and feed their corpses to the VJs and crew of MuchMusic.
7. At the end of every broadcast day, force viewers to watch a montage of patriotic video images, as selected by the Generals and including several
tyrannical subliminal messages of sublimation to Canadian World Domination. Failure to watch will result in electric shockage from the Ever-Vigilant &
Omnipotent (EVO) space station "Bombardier1".
Part Two: Geographical Deployment of Troops
1. Take highly-trained special forces "peacekeeping" troops and give them special weapons formulated in specially secret underground Canadian military
laboratories.
2. Station troops at secret Canadian military bases along the 49th parallel. Put the troops of the bases in Windsor (Fort Auto), Medicine Hat (Fort
McClung) and Squamish (Fort Fortress) on alert.
3. Send soldiers to make highly-militarized igloos along the Yukon-Alaskan border.
4. Instruct all soldiers to sing morale-defeating Stompin' Tom songs loud enough to be heard over the US-Canada border.
5. Activate secret underwater military bases off the coast of California (Base Bluenose), Continental Europe (Base I's-the-by) and Indonesia (Base
Ogopogo).
6. Take troops at secret Arctic Circle base off "scientific mission" status and put on "prepare to invade" status.
7. Fax the Prime Minister and remind him/her to sever diplomatic ties with the world.
8. Parachute Canadian soldiers into specially selected target areas in Belgium, Ohio, Laos, and Rio. Tell inhabitants of the invaded regions that the
soldiers are there to conduct a "Special Canadian Beer Survey".
9. Distribute free beer to those who question our increasing mobilization.
10. Gas up R.C.A.F. planes, and get our nuclear submarines warmed up.
Part Three: Invasion!
1. Instruct all troops to stock up on field rations of Shreddies (only the good, good, whole wheat ones).
2. Open armouries at all bases and distribute weapons to soldiers.
3. Provide the Canadian civilian population with weaponry and encourage them to "point the small bit at anyone without a maple leaf badge". NOTE: Some
followers have suggested that the use of guns is un-Canadian. We believe the evil is justified in this case. Read more about our weapons policy in The
Gun Thing .
4. Canuck troops infiltrate the US-Canada border.
5. After meeting feeble resistance from the already-weakened-by our-clever-campaign-Americans, Canadian troops seize control of all US cities.
6. South America falls to the power-hungry Canadian advance.
7. Submarines and cool Bluenose-like ships (nuclear powered both!) are employed in the conquest of Europe.
8. Conquest of Europe scheduled to last: Max. 3 days -- Min. 2 hours.
9. Peace is made with European powers...Canada sets up puppet governments in the once-independent countries.
10. Canada renames Russia "Claire and Jenny Territory". Early polls show that Russians prefer the new name.
11. Canadian troops seize Asian capitols. Hong Kong movie directors get the entire thing on film. Chow Yun Fat defects to Canada and becomes our
Minister of Propaganda in the Pacific Rim.
12. The Pope capitulates to Canadian demands and agrees to force Roman Catholic clergy to make loyalty oaths towards Canada.
13. Pope-mobile seized and re-tooled for use by Generals Claire and Jenny.
14. Australia and Canada reach a win-win agreement. Canada will completely rule Australia, but due to friendly relations from our Commonwealth days,
will take pity on the Aussies and kill Paul Hogan.
15. Canadian troops encircle the globe.
16. Peacekeepers are kept busy putting down minor rebellions.
17. All minor rebellions cease when it is realized that Canadianism is the Right and True Path.
18. Irish rock band U2 is allowed to record a single in honour of the Canadian conquest: "Sunday Happy Sunday (in the name of Claire and Jenny) Remix
Version 12".
19. Record charts (controlled by the Office Of The Generals) show single at no. 1.
20. Committee formed to design a new world flag.
21. Committee decides the Canadian flag (in its Glorious Perfection) is good enough for the entire world.
Part Four: Reorganization of Society
The re-organization of society is a delicate and vital task. We must be certain to ensure that the New World of Canuck Splendor can be passed on to
future Canadian generations. We must also be certain to ensure that all traces of anti-Canadian sentiment are cleansed from the collective Canuck
bloodstream.
1. All non-Canadians will be rounded up and brainwashed via the clever use of the following: Well-reasoned and orderly bilingual arguments in favour
of Canada, Tragically Hip CDs, Wendy Mesley, and finally, generous injections of Tim Hortons coffee ... Should these tactics fail, the un-affected
subject will be politely convinced into either committing suicide, or working for CAN-CO in the government-owned asbestos factories of Quebec.
2. For those countries with larger populations, the use of video screens is recommended, on which Sloan videos, "Goin' Down The Road", "Road To
Avonlea: The Final Season", "Hard Core Logo" and the NFB's "The Cat Came Back" can be played to the gathered masses.
3. World Society will be then grouped into two main bodies. The people judged to be Canadian-friendly (whether from our cagey brainwashing or from
pure fear of Canuck force), and The Others.
4. The Others who are detained by the government will be given the choice of the two options listed in point one above. The Others who remain roaming
about, trying to start trouble or their own tiny terrorist organizations, will be tolerated for a short time. They will be used to make propaganda
films for the Canadian government which will film the capture and heroic arrests of the non-Canuck fugitives by the RCMP. Smile for the camera kids!
5. Those friendly to Canadian concerns will be preferentially treated -- given full doughnut privileges and a Canadian Tire card. Troublemakers watch
out; anyone attempting to bring the structure down from the inside will receive a serious smack and a lecture about "Trying To Mess With The State".
6. In the New World Society, we expect everyone to pursue their dreams provided they are of a Canadian-related nature. Employment areas we believe
will experience booms in the coming years are: Canadian-Only Music Retailers (more people should listen to Canuck tunes...no make that, "All shall
listen to Canuck tunes"), the CBC (NO more cuts, ever...in fact, the CBC now has carte blanche to spend on experimental television, Peter Mansbridge,
"Street Cents", dramas with Tanya Allen in them, documentaries on salmon, bittersweet prairie romances, and the indefatigable Daniel Richler), the
armed forces (who else is going to bravely subdue the world? Who else will force Farley Mowat novels down the throats of new Canadians?), and
linguists (their services will be needed in translating the cereal boxes of the world into both French and English).
7. We firmly believe that the result of Canadian conquest will be a united global force of calm, community-minded, Globe and Mail-reading,
Quebec-loving, Molson Canadian beer shirt-wearing, blood-donating, polite, environmentally-concerned people reluctantly willing to endure lengthy
diplomatic wars over our fishing rights but who would rather stay home and barbeque on the patio. This is our vision.
8. "Multi-culturalism". Naturally as tolerant people, we here at Canadian World Domination are not adverse to the concept of multi-culturalism. We do
not advocate the abolition of diverse religions, languages or festivals - We are especially fond of the beer-related parts of Oktoberfest - However,
the mandate of our organization is to bring about the Canadianization of the world. So, under the umbrella of CWD we support many varied lifestyles
but insist that they include loyalty to the state and its laws, and the consumption of Timbits or viewing of "The Log Driver's Waltz" regularly. NOTE:
American rhetoric or jingoism is not protected -- for the simple reason that Canadian rhetoric and jingoism is far superior.
8. Concerning the use of "eh": it's now a legal imperative. According to new Canadian-Content regulations, all speech must include the use of "eh" 4
times per 10 sentences. NOTE: the RCMP like to give out "Good Canadian" stickers to anyone found exceeding the limit.
Enjoy your new life as a Canadian! Partake of the many pleasure of citizenship! And for those lucky to be born Canadian -- grab a 'battle buddy' and
help us get started!
|
|
|
XHonusWagnerX
Moderator
Posts: 12509
Registered: 7-14-2005
Location: pawtucket
Member Is Offline
Mood: hadDCore
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by REV.PAULIE
HONUS-as much as i can't stand a great deal of what you really like (for my own reasons that i would never hold,nor impose,against you),YOU FUCKING
RULE!
YOU,HONUS,IS WHAT MAKES THE "EDGE" COOL.
YOUR FRIEND,
PAULIE |
check out my post contributions at www.VinylNoize.com
|
|
|
Dave
Posting Freak
Posts: 3281
Registered: 4-6-2003
Location: Halifax
Member Is Offline
Mood: .......
|
|
i know its long but its worth the read.......
|
|
|
BDx13
|
|
are youz gonna dominate by boring the shit outta the rest of the world one numeric list at a time?
If I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work.
|
|
|
Dave
Posting Freak
Posts: 3281
Registered: 4-6-2003
Location: Halifax
Member Is Offline
Mood: .......
|
|
its part of the plan...........keep you's busy readin' lists while we walk in and attack!
|
|
|
morgan
Posting Freak
Posts: 1815
Registered: 7-21-2006
Location: Seguin, TX
Member Is Offline
Mood: neighbors fighting
|
|
Like the idea about killing off anyone associated with MTV... other than that not so sure how I feel about this.
Support the arts, shoot a rapper.
|
|
|
|
![[*]](images/thorp/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
