XHonusWagnerX
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Metal Mythology...
There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a dragon.
Here is the end of the story with different kinds of music as
knights.
* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins,
flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave... without the princess.
* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her
belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a
ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.
* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body
again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats
his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
* GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the
flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's
eternity.
* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes.
The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he
learned in the last year of the conservatory. The
princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes anobscene
gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by
security guards.
* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someones screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still
looking for the one who did this.
* CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon
should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to "thank" the protagonist he replies, "Sorry, but I don't
believe in having sex before marriage."
* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle
in a beautiful pink colour.
* BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the
dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.
* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his baggy clothes catch fire.
* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, He gets eaten. The princess is very
happy, because he was a whiny fag anyway.
* GRUNGE
The protagonist doesn't get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won't go near him either,
and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other mosha's due to the over consumption of white cider.
* POP-PUNK
The dragon can't eat the protagonist because he can't catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won't fuck him either, because he
likes ska...
| Quote: | Originally posted by REV.PAULIE
HONUS-as much as i can't stand a great deal of what you really like (for my own reasons that i would never hold,nor impose,against you),YOU FUCKING
RULE!
YOU,HONUS,IS WHAT MAKES THE "EDGE" COOL.
YOUR FRIEND,
PAULIE |
check out my post contributions at www.VinylNoize.com
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XnMeX
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EXCELENT!
whoever wrote that, did an EXCELENT job.
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DAK
Posting Freak
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word
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Voodoobillyman
The Artist Formerly Known As...
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Location: Eastern Seaboard of the United States
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Mood: my daughters beautiful curiousity
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classic, the emo ones the best.
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CR83
Moderator
Posts: 5221
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Location: STL!
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Mood: Harm's Way
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Genius!
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DaveMoral
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Only thing missing is metalcore. Otherwise, pure genius.
I love metal.
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clevohardcore
* Kick\'n ass on the wild side *
Posts: 12937
Registered: 9-19-2004
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Mood: Sick Of It All, Youth Of Today
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hahahahaha
Each aspect of the soul has it's own part to play, but the ideal is harmonious agreement with reason and control.
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Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
Registered: 9-8-2004
Location: Over here
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Mood: The Alley Dukes
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That is fucking great. The grind and emo ones are the best.
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
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XHonusWagnerX
Moderator
Posts: 12509
Registered: 7-14-2005
Location: pawtucket
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Mood: hadDCore
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yah its pretty funny. I dont know who created it, but someone posted it on Myspace and I got a laugh so I figured I would share!
| Quote: | Originally posted by REV.PAULIE
HONUS-as much as i can't stand a great deal of what you really like (for my own reasons that i would never hold,nor impose,against you),YOU FUCKING
RULE!
YOU,HONUS,IS WHAT MAKES THE "EDGE" COOL.
YOUR FRIEND,
PAULIE |
check out my post contributions at www.VinylNoize.com
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BKT
Posting Freak
Posts: 2476
Registered: 7-6-2004
Location: Canada
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that was amazing, nice post. The Grindcore one was funny.
MM.
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thedog
Posting Freak
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Mood: Deals Gone Bad
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good stuff
\"thank you very little\"
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JawnDiablo
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yeah i got this on myspace from which ever one of yous is orange 9mm had some pretty good lyrics...i forget....i liked it
laughed out loud as a matter of fact
because i was once very metal
and understood some of the crap
well
not really
i loaded as hell
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