Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
Registered: 9-8-2004
Location: Over here
Member Is Offline
Mood: The Alley Dukes
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A funny tale
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say 'Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry".
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
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BDx13
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"a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's" is funny as shit.
If I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work.
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DAK
Posting Freak
Posts: 3507
Registered: 5-13-2004
Member Is Offline
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Nice.
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Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
Registered: 9-8-2004
Location: Over here
Member Is Offline
Mood: The Alley Dukes
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| Quote: | Originally posted by BD
"a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's" is funny as shit. |
I like "Mary with the cherry" myself!
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
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