| Pages:
1
2 |
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
so im telling someone about a work story
and they say "you should really write this stuff down. these things dont happen at "normal" jobs and are very funny/interesting to hear.
so that gave me the idea that im gonna write stories from work here cuz i really dont have any desire to write anywhere else
once i think of a few, ill write 'em
word
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
newbreedbrian
Posting Freak
Posts: 2616
Registered: 9-2-2004
Location: Hell
Member Is Offline
Mood: doc watson
|
|
do it up geoff
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ?You know, I want to set those people over there on
fire, but I?m just not close enough to get the job done.? George Carlin
|
|
|
Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
Registered: 9-8-2004
Location: Over here
Member Is Offline
Mood: The Alley Dukes
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by newbreedbrian
do it up geoff |
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
|
|
|
JawnDiablo
Posting Freak
Posts: 12139
Registered: 4-21-2005
Location: 1902666
Member Is Offline
|
|
Sounds good.
You've told a few good ones on here before.
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
ill tell some little ones first.........
this happens AT LEAST 5 times a weekend
and its ALWAYS black chicks for some reason
black chick "i wanna get a tattoo"
me "ok"
black chick "on my lower back"
me "ok, what do ya wanna get?"
black chick "i dunno"
me "well ya havta give me some kind of idea of what you might be looking to do"
black chick "sumthin HOT!"
me "i dont know what that means"
black chick "Hmmm alright"
black chick leaves
i swear this happens 5-10 times a weekend
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
lady and her daughter come in..........
lady "mah daughter wants a tattoo"
me "ok does she have i.d. on her?" (i can tell she is not 18)
lady "no but im her mom"
me "well she needs to be 18 with i.d."
lady "but i told you im her mom and will sign for her"
me "i dont care who you are we dont tattoo anyone who is not 18"
lady "but im her mom"
me "goodbye"
they leave
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
DaveMoral
Posting Freak
Posts: 4334
Registered: 1-24-2006
Location: Ardmore PA
Member Is Offline
|
|
If you're going to write down some golden stories you seriously need to do it like a book and get that shit published. With tattoo culture the way it
is right now someone would publish a book about silly shit that happens in shops.
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by DaveMoral
If you're going to write down some golden stories you seriously need to do it like a book and get that shit published. With tattoo culture the way it
is right now someone would publish a book about silly shit that happens in shops. |
i dont write very well
id rather just tell youz about it
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
Registered: 9-8-2004
Location: Over here
Member Is Offline
Mood: The Alley Dukes
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by MrBadVibes
lady and her daughter come in..........
lady "mah daughter wants a tattoo"
me "ok does she have i.d. on her?" (i can tell she is not 18)
lady "no but im her mom"
me "well she needs to be 18 with i.d."
lady "but i told you im her mom and will sign for her"
me "i dont care who you are we dont tattoo anyone who is not 18"
lady "but im her mom"
me "goodbye"
they leave |
| Quote: |
black chick "i wanna get a tattoo"
me "ok"
black chick "on my lower back"
me "ok, what do ya wanna get?"
black chick "i dunno"
me "well ya havta give me some kind of idea of what you might be looking to do"
black chick "sumthin HOT!"
me "i dont know what that means"
black chick "Hmmm alright"
black chick leaves |
I think I've seen both of these sitations about every single time I've gone into a tattoo shop.
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
|
|
|
DaveMoral
Posting Freak
Posts: 4334
Registered: 1-24-2006
Location: Ardmore PA
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by MrBadVibes
| Quote: | Originally posted by DaveMoral
If you're going to write down some golden stories you seriously need to do it like a book and get that shit published. With tattoo culture the way it
is right now someone would publish a book about silly shit that happens in shops. |
i dont write very well
id rather just tell youz about it |
That mean you're giving me the rights to publish the material and make millions????
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
two guys come in the shop friday night.
i can tell they are drunk as soon as they hit the door.
alot of blah blah blah real loud.
i sigh and go up to them, knowing how this is going to end up.
me" you guys have a question"
dude 1 "yeah, i wanna get FUCK YOU written across my knuckles. how much?"
me "yeah, that aint gonna happen tonight"
dude 2" whatcha mean? we have $700. anything can happen for the right $"
me " well first you're both drunk and we dont tattoo drunks. second, its a stupid idea and we aint doing it anyway. and third, you're both acting like
assholes from the time you came in here......so no, its not happening"
dude 1 " ok man, i understand"
dude 2 " no FUCK that, FUCK tyhis motherfucker..blah blah balh"
i look around to see where my boy tony is cuz i cant take both these dudes at once. one at a time yeah but not both.
tony was watching the whole deal and came up the steps
tony "now what motherfuckers?!?!?"(tony is huge and kinda ummmmm crazy)
dude 1 and dude 2 looks at him, then back at me
i shrug
me "told ya it aint happening"
dude 1 and dude 2 bum and leave
me and tony laugh for a while
then i ate dinner
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
i may have told this one before.............
dude, about 50 or so, comes in with a woman of the same age.
they have been drining a bit but not to the point that i would turn them down.
dude is REALLY loud but not in an overly annoying way.
their story is that they have worked together for years and dude has been asking her out for a long time and she finally said yes.
this is their first date.
they had gone out to dinner, which they had eaten frog amoung other things.
they pick out their tattoos and we are off.
by the way, this is the first tattoo for both of them.
they figured it would be a "wacky" thing to do on their first date.
oy vey.
anyway, they are getting tattooed at the same time.
the chick is sitting well while getting some gay thing on her hip.
dude is getting something gayer on his shoulder blade.
he starts talking louder and louder and rambling on and on.......
"how ya doin hon? this isnt so bad.......blah blah blah"
dude asks me something about eating frogs and i said i never had and that it was fucking gross.
he laughed like he was a strong man and that i was some kind of a half a fag or sumthin.
whatever
i notice dude gets real quiet all of a sudden
he is POURING sweat.
here we go.........
me "dude, you ok?"
dude "ummmm hmmmm i feel a bit sick"
me "yeah, i know"
i grab the trash can and put it under him just in enough time to catch the half digested frog fly from his big mouth
he puked for about 5 mins straight
nice first date romeo
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
JawnDiablo
Posting Freak
Posts: 12139
Registered: 4-21-2005
Location: 1902666
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by MrBadVibes
two guys come in the shop friday night.
i can tell they are drunk as soon as they hit the door.
alot of blah blah blah real loud.
i sigh and go up to them, knowing how this is going to end up.
me" you guys have a question"
dude 1 "yeah, i wanna get FUCK YOU written across my knuckles. how much?"
me "yeah, that aint gonna happen tonight"
dude 2" whatcha mean? we have $700. anything can happen for the right $"
me " well first you're both drunk and we dont tattoo drunks. second, its a stupid idea and we aint doing it anyway. and third, you're both acting like
assholes from the time you came in here......so no, its not happening"
dude 1 " ok man, i understand"
dude 2 " no FUCK that, FUCK tyhis motherfucker..blah blah balh"
i look around to see where my boy tony is cuz i cant take both these dudes at once. one at a time yeah but not both.
tony was watching the whole deal and came up the steps
tony "now what motherfuckers?!?!?"(tony is huge and kinda ummmmm crazy)
dude 1 and dude 2 looks at him, then back at me
i shrug
me "told ya it aint happening"
dude 1 and dude 2 bum and leave
me and tony laugh for a while
then i ate dinner |
this shit is great.
i used to hang out in a tattoo shop my friends brother owned when I was 17-20.
It was in this real shitty part of SW philly.
anyway, he was always gettin black people coming in and getting the dumbest fucking stereotypical ghetto shit on them.
every day.
so dude goes and draws up some "Afrocentric Flash" as he called it on it's display.
Well don't you know it he made a mint off this shit.
There must be 100 dopes in SWP walking around with thug life and pit bull tattoos.
Geoff, it's funny because you kinda scared my friends back in the day when you worked in the bazaar. I wouldn't have been walking up asking dumb
shit....
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
i mellowed out alot since them dayz
i aint fighting people all the time anymore
my temper is way better than it was back then
lexapro and 3 children have helped me out quite a bit
but sometimes, some mutant will force me back into that headspace
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
gavin
Posting Freak
Posts: 3973
Registered: 1-15-2005
Member Is Offline
|
|
short story.........
dude "i wanna get 420 tattooed on my neck. how much?"
me " well nuthin cuz we aint doin it"
dude "why not!"
me "cuz its a fucking retarded idea thats why"
dude leaves
i shake my head and cry about how my life has ended up
you come at the king....you best not miss
|
|
|
JawnDiablo
Posting Freak
Posts: 12139
Registered: 4-21-2005
Location: 1902666
Member Is Offline
|
|
jeez!
people have some dumb fuckin requests
|
|
|
upyerbum
Posting Freak
Posts: 3226
Registered: 10-14-2005
Location: Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
Member Is Offline
Mood: Condemned 84
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by MrBadVibes
nice first date romeo |
Well, its this place where nobody works, and the pigs don\'t give you any shit. Everyone smokes weed and gets drunk all day. Its a place where
cunts like me and you can truly take it easy and relax. Know what I mean?
|
|
|
DaveMoral
Posting Freak
Posts: 4334
Registered: 1-24-2006
Location: Ardmore PA
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by MrBadVibes
two guys come in the shop friday night.
i can tell they are drunk as soon as they hit the door.
alot of blah blah blah real loud.
i sigh and go up to them, knowing how this is going to end up.
me" you guys have a question"
dude 1 "yeah, i wanna get FUCK YOU written across my knuckles. how much?"
me "yeah, that aint gonna happen tonight"
dude 2" whatcha mean? we have $700. anything can happen for the right $"
me " well first you're both drunk and we dont tattoo drunks. second, its a stupid idea and we aint doing it anyway. and third, you're both acting like
assholes from the time you came in here......so no, its not happening"
dude 1 " ok man, i understand"
dude 2 " no FUCK that, FUCK tyhis motherfucker..blah blah balh"
i look around to see where my boy tony is cuz i cant take both these dudes at once. one at a time yeah but not both.
tony was watching the whole deal and came up the steps
tony "now what motherfuckers?!?!?"(tony is huge and kinda ummmmm crazy)
dude 1 and dude 2 looks at him, then back at me
i shrug
me "told ya it aint happening"
dude 1 and dude 2 bum and leave
me and tony laugh for a while
then i ate dinner |
My favorite part of this is "then i ate dinner"... It's gold.
|
|
|
RomanticViolence
* Jennytailya *
Posts: 1547
Registered: 3-26-2004
Location: Baltimore MD
Member Is Offline
Mood: Fuck U All
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by juandiablo
Sounds good.
You've told a few good ones on here before. |
Agreed! You?ve definitely told some great ones on here.
Have you ever noticed how crayons are a lot like M&M's? All the colors tend to taste the same.
|
|
|
Kid Ugly
Senior Member
Posts: 738
Registered: 8-28-2005
Location: North Jersey
Member Is Offline
|
|
Keep this shit up.
|
|
|
JawnDiablo
Posting Freak
Posts: 12139
Registered: 4-21-2005
Location: 1902666
Member Is Offline
|
|
I love this kind of stuff because I can really relate to dealing with these moron would be customers.
It does all say allot for you guys Geoff with refusing to ink such crap on people.
I mean there's plenty of shops out there that wouldn't flinch at putting something dumb on some dope that they would regret 10 minutes later.
I wish someone woulda talked me out of my many heavy metal skull tattoos when i was 17.
|
|
|
godabandonedme
Senior Member
Posts: 758
Registered: 2-1-2005
Location: Philadelphia
Member Is Offline
Mood: Darkbuster
|
|
Working this special "Gun Violence Task Force Detail". Meaning I don't have to answer the radio for bullshit like arguments between drunk retards.
Done at 11:00pm, it's 10:39 an damn we better get something....I see follow a car northbound with tv's visible in it (argh at least it's tickets)
another vehicle passes me s/b and well let's just say my "intuitoin" tells me something ain't right so I wip a U turn an pull him over. License,
insurance, registration sir? Nothing. Out the car he goes, wait a sec I find his I.D. on him.....something don't smell quite right...Already noticed
the open containers on them (*you gota be a real dick for me to give you a D.U.I seriously...) tells me the info for the vehicle is in the trunk an
gives me the keys.....the funny smell gets worse...as I pop the trunk I observe a Tec-9 ontop of a school bag, simoltanesouly I hear the drivers door
open (searched him real fast an the car then put him back in the drivers seat when he gave me the keys) off running we go, no clue wehre I am cause
I'm working this "special" detail Im in a different district where I have no clue where I'm at so my partner goes over the air "Northwest 3 PRIORITY!,
my partners in foot pursuit w/b through the projects on Ashmead" Radio "N/W3 location, N/W3 what is your location???? (I have NO CLUE) Radio " In
the 14th an 39th district assist the officer police by radio...." Now, same above sentence happens 3 more times till finally I come over and yell "N/W
3 as soon as I figure out where I am I'll let you know! I'm ok but get some cars around whatever projects you's know I'm in!!!! Long story short, run
after this dick for about a mile through a neighborhood I dont know an right as I'm about to grab him he turns an BOOM takes a shot point blank an
thank god misses as I'm tackling him an Im not a big guy. We fall he drops the gun, I (cough cough) explain to him in no uncertain terms that it's
not polite to shoot at a police officer. Warrent = tec9 an 13lbs of weed, 2oz coke, scales baggies etc. That was like my third month at work. I
wana write a book.
\"Leave the gun....take the canolis.\"
|
|
|
JawnDiablo
Posting Freak
Posts: 12139
Registered: 4-21-2005
Location: 1902666
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by godabandonedme
Working this special "Gun Violence Task Force Detail". Meaning I don't have to answer the radio for bullshit like arguments between drunk retards.
Done at 11:00pm, it's 10:39 an damn we better get something....I see follow a car northbound with tv's visible in it (argh at least it's tickets)
another vehicle passes me s/b and well let's just say my "intuitoin" tells me something ain't right so I wip a U turn an pull him over. License,
insurance, registration sir? Nothing. Out the car he goes, wait a sec I find his I.D. on him.....something don't smell quite right...Already noticed
the open containers on them (*you gota be a real dick for me to give you a D.U.I seriously...) tells me the info for the vehicle is in the trunk an
gives me the keys.....the funny smell gets worse...as I pop the trunk I observe a Tec-9 ontop of a school bag, simoltanesouly I hear the drivers door
open (searched him real fast an the car then put him back in the drivers seat when he gave me the keys) off running we go, no clue wehre I am cause
I'm working this "special" detail Im in a different district where I have no clue where I'm at so my partner goes over the air "Northwest 3 PRIORITY!,
my partners in foot pursuit w/b through the projects on Ashmead" Radio "N/W3 location, N/W3 what is your location???? (I have NO CLUE) Radio " In
the 14th an 39th district assist the officer police by radio...." Now, same above sentence happens 3 more times till finally I come over and yell "N/W
3 as soon as I figure out where I am I'll let you know! I'm ok but get some cars around whatever projects you's know I'm in!!!! Long story short, run
after this dick for about a mile through a neighborhood I dont know an right as I'm about to grab him he turns an BOOM takes a shot point blank an
thank god misses as I'm tackling him an Im not a big guy. We fall he drops the gun, I (cough cough) explain to him in no uncertain terms that it's
not polite to shoot at a police officer. Warrent = tec9 an 13lbs of weed, 2oz coke, scales baggies etc. That was like my third month at work. I
wana write a book. |
philly's just getting worse and worse.
you have some serious balls to be workin in an environment like that in a day and age where suspects dont think twice about shooting at a cop.
how long have you been at it?
|
|
|
Voodoobillyman
The Artist Formerly Known As...
Posts: 4247
Registered: 8-12-2005
Location: Eastern Seaboard of the United States
Member Is Offline
Mood: my daughters beautiful curiousity
|
|
this shit is great Geoff! keep it up, very entertaining 
|
|
|
Voodoobillyman
The Artist Formerly Known As...
Posts: 4247
Registered: 8-12-2005
Location: Eastern Seaboard of the United States
Member Is Offline
Mood: my daughters beautiful curiousity
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by godabandonedme
Working this special "Gun Violence Task Force Detail". Meaning I don't have to answer the radio for bullshit like arguments between drunk retards.
Done at 11:00pm, it's 10:39 an damn we better get something....I see follow a car northbound with tv's visible in it (argh at least it's tickets)
another vehicle passes me s/b and well let's just say my "intuitoin" tells me something ain't right so I wip a U turn an pull him over. License,
insurance, registration sir? Nothing. Out the car he goes, wait a sec I find his I.D. on him.....something don't smell quite right...Already noticed
the open containers on them (*you gota be a real dick for me to give you a D.U.I seriously...) tells me the info for the vehicle is in the trunk an
gives me the keys.....the funny smell gets worse...as I pop the trunk I observe a Tec-9 ontop of a school bag, simoltanesouly I hear the drivers door
open (searched him real fast an the car then put him back in the drivers seat when he gave me the keys) off running we go, no clue wehre I am cause
I'm working this "special" detail Im in a different district where I have no clue where I'm at so my partner goes over the air "Northwest 3 PRIORITY!,
my partners in foot pursuit w/b through the projects on Ashmead" Radio "N/W3 location, N/W3 what is your location???? (I have NO CLUE) Radio " In
the 14th an 39th district assist the officer police by radio...." Now, same above sentence happens 3 more times till finally I come over and yell "N/W
3 as soon as I figure out where I am I'll let you know! I'm ok but get some cars around whatever projects you's know I'm in!!!! Long story short, run
after this dick for about a mile through a neighborhood I dont know an right as I'm about to grab him he turns an BOOM takes a shot point blank an
thank god misses as I'm tackling him an Im not a big guy. We fall he drops the gun, I (cough cough) explain to him in no uncertain terms that it's
not polite to shoot at a police officer. Warrent = tec9 an 13lbs of weed, 2oz coke, scales baggies etc. That was like my third month at work. I
wana write a book. |
This shit is just plain fuckin nuts! It should be me telling you to keep your head and ass down bro
|
|
|
| Pages:
1
2 |
![[*]](images/thorp/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
