godabandonedme
Senior Member
Posts: 758
Registered: 2-1-2005
Location: Philadelphia
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Mood: Darkbuster
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Darwin Awards
Darwin Awards
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked.
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence
sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he
also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken t! he
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to
a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for three days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened ! the cas h drawer, the man pulled a gun
and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone
points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 i mmediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of t! he snat cher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the < BR>scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spi! lled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and
family . Unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant
relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope
they remain lost.
\"Leave the gun....take the canolis.\"
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Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
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I fucking love the Darwin Awards. Never fail to make me laugh my ass off.
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
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JawnDiablo
Posting Freak
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Registered: 4-21-2005
Location: 1902666
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surprisingly that none of these took place in Philadelphia...........
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upyerbum
Posting Freak
Posts: 3226
Registered: 10-14-2005
Location: Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
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Mood: Condemned 84
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Discipline
I fucking love the Darwin Awards. Never fail to make me laugh my ass off. |
Well, its this place where nobody works, and the pigs don\'t give you any shit. Everyone smokes weed and gets drunk all day. Its a place where
cunts like me and you can truly take it easy and relax. Know what I mean?
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BDx13
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number nine is pretty great.
If I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work.
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upyerbum
Posting Freak
Posts: 3226
Registered: 10-14-2005
Location: Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
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Mood: Condemned 84
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#7 reminds me of a guy I knew, tried to remove a truck tire (it was a little seized) with a sledgehammer, you can figure out the rest.
Well, its this place where nobody works, and the pigs don\'t give you any shit. Everyone smokes weed and gets drunk all day. Its a place where
cunts like me and you can truly take it easy and relax. Know what I mean?
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clevohardcore
* Kick\'n ass on the wild side *
Posts: 12937
Registered: 9-19-2004
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Mood: Sick Of It All, Youth Of Today
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O man that is some funny stuff.
Each aspect of the soul has it's own part to play, but the ideal is harmonious agreement with reason and control.
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