XnMeX
Posting Freak
Posts: 3839
Registered: 4-11-2004
Location: Dirty Dover, NH
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Last trip to Costco...
Stolen from Reddit.com
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog, Casper, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting
the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me . I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass
and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
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Discipline
* DRUNKEN MONKEY *
Posts: 11900
Registered: 9-8-2004
Location: Over here
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Mood: The Alley Dukes
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Tremendous.
‘Do you know what a love letter is? It’s a bullet from a fucking gun. Straight through your heart.’
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XnMeX
Posting Freak
Posts: 3839
Registered: 4-11-2004
Location: Dirty Dover, NH
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Discipline
Tremendous. |
I need to do this if the situation ever arises. Me and my best friend Bill do shit like this all the time to fuck with people. One of my favorites
was the time Bill bought 2 big things of chocolate milk at a convenience store. The woman at the counter says "Someone like dairy!" so not missing a
beat Bill goes "Actually, I'm Lactose Exhuberant." intrigued, the woman says "What is that?" and he goes into this explanation of saying how Lactose
Intollerant people can't drink milk but Lactose Exhuberant is kinda the opposite. He then proceeds to tell the woman that he needs to consume 2-3
GALLONS of dairy products a day. You can tell the woman believed every word of it too!
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tireironsaint
* BANNED *
Posts: 4299
Registered: 5-14-2003
Location: Colorado
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Mood: Beltones
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Nice one.
Veritas odium parit
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Colin
Posting Freak
Posts: 1128
Registered: 7-8-2010
Location: Austin, TX
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that is awesome
record collectors are pretentious assholes
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clevohardcore
* Kick\'n ass on the wild side *
Posts: 12937
Registered: 9-19-2004
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Mood: Sick Of It All, Youth Of Today
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AHAHAHAHA
Each aspect of the soul has it's own part to play, but the ideal is harmonious agreement with reason and control.
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newbreedbrian
Posting Freak
Posts: 2616
Registered: 9-2-2004
Location: Hell
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Mood: doc watson
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ?You know, I want to set those people over there on
fire, but I?m just not close enough to get the job done.? George Carlin
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necrobutcher
Senior Member
Posts: 785
Registered: 12-30-2006
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They sell coffins?!
http://www.costco.com/Common/Category.aspx?cat=20595&eCat=BC...
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