Big Ugly
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MSNBC Ashlee Review
By Michael Ventre
MSNBC contributor
Updated: 1:13 p.m. ET Jan. 6, 2005In this case, if Ashlee Simpson had flashed a breast, the FCC probably would have let it go.
After all, agencies of the federal government are there to protect the citizenry from any sort of injury or harm. Ashlee?s performance at halftime of
Tuesday night?s Orange Bowl in Miami was about as close as a singer gets to committing aggravated assault. If she had only taken a lesson from Janet
Jackson, the world would be talking today about the exposure of a boob rather than a fraud.
Much of the blame for this fiasco falls upon ABC, which hired this female Gilbert Gottfried to headline the halftime show for college football?s
ultimate game, matching No. 1 USC against No. 2 Oklahoma. If the Sooners are despondent today after absorbing a 55-19 bludgeoning from the Trojans,
they can take solace that each and every one of them could have taken the halftime stage dressed in drag and mooed like a cow and still induce fewer
boos than Ashlee did Tuesday night.
First NBC invited Ashlee on ?Saturday Night Live,? where she tried to fool the audience by lip-synching her way through a song, but failed. Now ABC.
Don?t these networks have a Standards and Practices office anymore? Don?t they care about the welfare of our children? Don?t these network executives
realize that a performance like Ashlee?s could produce imitators? Are they unconcerned about copycat Ashlees?
Slack-jawed awe
Ashlee?s singing sounded like a cross between a political prisoner being tortured and a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.
I watched the Orange Bowl Tuesday night, like millions of other Americans. The first half was all USC. When halftime arrived, I sat at the kitchen
table, watching the TV from a room away. Because of the distance, the sound seemed lower than it was if I was right there in front of the screen. I
started to enjoy a fine meal. I felt safe and secure.
When Ashlee came on and began to perform, though, I literally dropped my fork. Then I cupped my hands over my ears, but it didn?t help. Ashlee?s
singing sounded like a cross between a political prisoner being tortured and a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.
I desperately searched for the remote so I could hit the mute button, but I must have misplaced it. But I also couldn?t believe that someone didn?t
rush the stage and stop her. The local police. The FBI. Homeland security. Even an angry mob of vigilantes. Instead, they just let her keep going.
I?ve never felt so helpless or vulnerable in my life.
I happened to look out the window and noticed that some of my neighbors were running down the street, their hands over their ears, screaming for help.
I wanted to help them, I really did. Yet I was gripped by horror and disbelief. I was practically catatonic. For their sake ? and for mine ? all I
could hope for was a swift end to the halftime show.
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Vote: Should football fans have booed Ashlee Simpson?
Ashlee Simpson booed at Orange Bowl
Shrieking like a hyena giving birth, she closed her ?song? with something that approximates the phrase, ?you make we wanna SCREAM!? And then she
waited for applause.
Instead, she got boos, the kind of irate and vindictive boos that usually occur after a pro wrestler taunts a crowd. Through the cacophony, the
gentle strains of ?You suck!? could be heard. Ashlee was escorted off the stage and through a tunnel, and let?s just say the Indiana Pacers were
received more warmly by Detroit fans when they walked toward the locker room after the brawl.
Just go away now
I consider myself a tolerant person. I accept the talented and talentless equally. I realize not everyone can sing like Sinatra or Streisand. Usually,
I applaud the effort, even if the result is unsatisfactory. On the handful of occasions when I have been at a karaoke bar, I clap my hands
supportively for each and every participant, regardless of how pitiful their attempts. That?s just the kind of guy I am.
But I believe there are limits, and Ashlee has crossed mine, and I believe, the world?s. She is using her status as the sister of Jessica Simpson in
order to carve out a career for herself. How anyone can listen to Jessica, let alone Ashlee, borders on the stupefying. But I see stories on the news
all the time about con artists who separate people from their life savings. I know there were scads of gullible viewers who tuned in to watch Geraldo
Rivera open Al Capone?s vault. I realize that humans are flawed, and sometimes those flaws can have disastrous consequences.
What I hope and pray for now is that Ashlee will go away and leave the public alone. On behalf of the world community, I implore her to pursue another
career. There are many avenues for a young woman of her abilities. Pig farmers need wranglers. The U.S. Forest Service has many outposts in remote
areas of our nation?s parks, where one can make all the noise one wants and not be heard by another soul for miles. And if she?s determined to remain
in the entertainment field, the horror genre in Hollywood could always use a good screamer.
But Ashlee must cease and desist her professional singing career immediately. The lip-synching angered many. The Orange Bowl debacle undoubtedly
caused thousands to seek counseling. What does she want next? Is she setting up some sort of blackmail scheme: ?Give me $10 million or I?ll keep
singing??
If that?s the case, I?m prepared to donate generously. I don?t think I?m alone.
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paul nastyGAMC
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hahahahaha!!!!!fuck clear channel and all that mtv bull shit. just goes to show you how fuckin stupid society is!!!
well said!
paul nastyGAMC
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Big Ugly
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Yeah, I really can't disagree with anything this guy said.
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jonnynewbreed
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Mood: Quite nice actually.
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could someone post a link to the video. I havn't seen the footage yet. My wife thinks that i have a crush on her but i really just can't understand
how someone so talentless and spoiled can get rich and famouse.
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jason kills
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dude, being married owns....i'll be there in 9 months
ph, and bout ashlee....my fiancee' went to school with jessica and said she was a fucking tool who tried to be cool by dressing slutty and smoking
pot. my fiancee's sister went with ashlee. said she was a fucking retard and has had a personal hatred for her foryears.
jenn (my girl) ran into jessica like 6 years later getting her nails done and jessica was all "oh my god!! i miss you! let's hang out!" jenn ignored
her.
all gods are golden calves
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jonnynewbreed
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Congrats on getting married...it's a great thing. It's my wifes Bday today so we're going out for dinner. I just took her ice skating too.
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xPARROTx
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im just waiting for ashlee to get naked
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BDx13
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| Quote: | Originally posted by xPARROTx
im just waiting for ashlee to get naked |
she and her sister should have a boobfight.
If I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work.
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LilOz
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^ ^ ^ ^ ^
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Big Ugly
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Big Duane
| Quote: | Originally posted by xPARROTx
im just waiting for ashlee to get naked |
she and her sister should have a boobfight. |
Good idea. They can see whose implants burst first.
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moron
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I didnt see her halftime show live, but there's a piece of it on Ebaumsworld.com here
she sounds fucking terrible. It's like she's got her own music going on in her head, and she's squeeling like a fucking dying dog. The booing is
just amazing though.
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Big Ugly
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That's made even funnier because as it cuts the announcer is saying Kelly, not Ashlee.
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BDx13
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SIGN THE 'STOP ASHLEE SIMPSON' PETITION
http://www.petitiononline.com/StopAsh/petition.html
To:? Geffen/DGC Records & JT Simpson Entertainment
We, the undersigned, are disgusted with Ashlee Simpson's horrible singing and hereby ask her to stop. Stop recording, touring, modeling and
performing. We do not wish to see her again.
She cannot match the sound of her voice that can be found on her CDs, when she sings live. She simply yells the words (sometimes the wrong ones) into
the mic.
We are so sickened by her "performing" that we are taking this opportunity to demand that she stop.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
If I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work.
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newbreedbrian
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hahaha 
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Big Ugly
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I signed it.
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